Literally. A dear friend of mine, who has also lost a set of twins in the past, gave me a small notebook soon after my boys were born as well as some other things. The notebook is titled Joy: The Joy of the Lord is your Strength (Nehemiah 8:10). And now, nearly 5 months later, I have finally began to write in it. I keep it in my purse for those random moments when I want to really remember something. Tonight was our weekly bible study and what I made note of is not really taken straight from our study, but rather the life application notes and verses that were in the same chapters as the verses we read.
The first is Job 5:8. Job is the guy that despite everything that happened to him, he still praised God knowing that HE was there through everything. The verse reads, "If I were you, I would go to God and make my case to Him." This is a response given to Job by Eliphaz. There are so many times I think What If. So many times I question why what happened to me, happened to me. Eliphaz tells us that we must go to God when we have questions, doubts, or worries. He will answer us, in his own time. Don't ask other people why when only God knows the answer to that. It is also a comfort to know that we are not responsible for the things that happen to us, only how we react. As a lesson from Michal's life in 2 Samuel 7, "We are not as responsible for what happens to us as we are for how we respond to our circumstances." Bad things happen to good people. What makes us different is what we do with ourselves after the fact. Michal became bitter, but that is the last thing I'll ever feel toward God or myself over the loss of my boys. Sure I miss them, but I cannot bring them back. All I can do is make the best of my life until I see them again.
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